Sunday, July 1, 2007

Meltdown or Pay Back?

Spent the weekend sick in bed. Summer flu? Nicotine crash? Exhausted from work and fun? Yes, yes, and yes. It all started with a tickle in my throat Friday morning after a night of drinking, a few cigarettes, and a whole lot of guilt for the smokes. Friday night I went out with my bestie and friends. Don't know why I was on edge emotionally; I was a bit more sensitive that night than usual. At a certain point I find that I'm getting teary eyed. I had had such a good week of fun, but tonight I felt different. Wanting more, missing some things about my life, and wishing things were different.

I hate public display of emotions. Realizing that a nicotine emotional crash is imminent, I crawl into a cab as I start sobbing uncontrollably. I held off the wailing until I got home. And continued for 24 hours. Commercials for Princess Di's tribute concert, pithy lines from Salem (Sabrina the Teenage Witch), and yes, 3 hours of The Color Purple, which I had never seen. A day of uncontrollable sobbing.

If any of the weight gain was water, I'm sure I'd be down a few pounds (just weighed myself out of curiosity, no water loss, probably because of the gallon of ice cream, cans of Chef Boyarde sausage ravioli, and the Kan Pao San Yan and Tawainese noodles I had delivered for dinner). But hey, still holding on to those extra lbs.

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